I know exactly what good listening looks like.
I still get it wrong all the time.
Someone is telling me about a problem.
And just a few words in, my brain is already working.
What advice can I give?
Have I experienced something similar?
What would I do?
How can I help?
I'm hearing their words.
But internally, I'm already preparing my response.
And usually, I'm trying to fix something.
When someone I care about has a problem, my instinct is to help solve it.
My desire to be helpful actually makes me a worse listener.
Because often they don't need my solution.
They just need space to talk and to be heard.
So I'm trying to catch myself in the moment.
To let the silence sit.
To ask one more question.
To stop rehearsing what I'm going to say next.
And, when I'm not sure, to simply ask:
"Do you want my thoughts, or do you just need me to listen?"
I've written about listening many times before.
I know the principles.
And I still have conversations where I walk away and realize I could have listened better.
Knowing how to listen is easy.
Remembering to do it when your instincts are telling you to fix, respond, defend, or relate?
That part remains a work in progress for me.
What's one thing that has helped you become a better listener?
