A lot of frustration at work starts with one word:
Should.
The meeting should have gone differently.
They should have understood.
Leadership should have made the obvious call.
"Should" describes the world you expected, not the one you actually have.
And that keeps you focused on what was supposed to happen instead of what the situation requires now.
That's why I pay close attention when "should" shows up in mentoring conversations.
Here are 4 swaps that work better:
1. In self-talk, swap regret for a next move
"I should have pushed back" keeps you stuck in the past.
"Next time, I'll ask for the decision criteria as the room starts debating" gives you something to practice.
2. In feedback, swap judgment for a clear expectation
"You should communicate better" is a judgment, not guidance.
"I expect the risks and the ask in the first three lines of the update" gives someone something concrete to act on.
3. After a miss, swap regret for a mechanism
"We should have known" keeps you arguing with the past.
"What metric will we treat as stop-the-line next time?" turns the miss into a better operating rule.
4. Swap frustration for curiosity
"They should have understood" puts all the burden on them.
Ask instead:
"What might this have looked like from their side?"
Which "should" do you catch yourself saying most often?