Tough conversations aren’t the problem—your questions are.
6 psychology-backed questions to build trust and influence others:
𝟭. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗘𝗰𝗵𝗼 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
Just repeat their last few words as a question.
𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘮: “𝘐’𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.”
𝘠𝘰𝘶: “𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯?”
People open up when they feel heard.
I use this often when I sense hesitation.
𝟮. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
Instead of pushing back, ask: “𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺?”
This shifts conflict into collaboration.
I reach for this in cross-organizational conversations.
𝟯. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
Rather than “𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦?”
Try: “𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦?”
People drop defenses when they feel invited, not interrogated.
𝟰. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
Ask: “𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳?”
I’ve seen this melt tension in high-stakes reviews.
𝟱. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
“𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?”
A gentle prompt that gets people to examine their thinking—on their own.
No judgment. Just clarity.
𝟲. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
End with: “𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦?”
It’s how I turn conversations into outcomes.
What’s one question you rely on to spark connection?
These insights are from "Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Using the Power of Questions to Communicate, Connect, and Persuade" by Trey Gowdy and brought to you by Omar's Desk.
PS: The quality of your questions determines the quality of your conversations.
